每日一个笑话

Patient:I'm chicken  我是小鸡
Psychiatrist: What's your problem? 精神病专家：你是什么症状？
Patient: I think I'm a chicken. 病人：我想我是一只小鸡。
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?精神病专家：持续了多长时间了。
Patient: Since I was hatched. 病人：自从我被孵化出来。

There was once a landlord who always pretended he was knowledgeable though he was completely unable to read or write.

One day when the landlord was chatting with his guests, a servant came in and gave him a letter which asked him to lend a cow. The landlord was afraid that

his guests would know he was unable to read or write, so he opened the envelope and glanced over the words. Then he said to the servant, "OK, please tell him I'll go there myself in a few minutes."

The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
　　
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
　　
Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

Haha  Stupid landlord,more nice than wise, he must be burning his fingers !
Anyway , it is funny joke!

A dollar per point 一分一块钱

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per  point."
考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

There was a lady from the countryside who came to the city and checked into a hotel. Then she said to the bellman, "I refuse to take a tiny room like this, with no window and no bed in it! You can't treat me like a fool just because I don't travel much! I'm going to complain to the manager!" So the bellman said very politely, "Madam,this isn't your room. It's the elevator!"...

The poor husband

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

可怜的丈夫

“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled.
His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum.
Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked, "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"...